When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
