I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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