He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He shit in the fireplace
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize