Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize