I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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