just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just high enough for therapy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
