Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
