The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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