why didn't you poke me back
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
