So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You are a genius and a whore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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