it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
