I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
