I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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