Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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