I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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