i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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