Will you blow on my dice?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
