shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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