all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
