If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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