I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
