I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
