i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
