some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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