Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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