Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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