But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
