who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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