in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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