So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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