remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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