You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just forgot I was standing up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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