My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ttyl tear gas
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
