She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
