He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
