Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
