i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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