thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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