you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
