There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
