There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
