I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
