Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
