apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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