if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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