she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
