pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
