Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
