That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
