: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize