It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
