And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
