Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
