I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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