he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
