How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize