I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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