took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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