hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
