Your dad touched me again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
