sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
