he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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