i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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