remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
