I want to make a zoo with you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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