The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
