It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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