New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We got so high we made milksteak
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
