She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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