happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
