So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
