What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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