please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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