The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think my mom watched the whole time
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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