people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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