u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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