this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
