It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
