Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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